All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
