sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
