Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You may now shotgun with the bride
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
