Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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