this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
