ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
