now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How external is "for external use only"?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
