did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
