wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
