I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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