Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
