In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
