They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
