You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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