Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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