I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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