glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
