So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
