We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
