So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
please come you make the beer taste better
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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