first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sobbing to NWA
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
