dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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