the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Success! We fucked roommates!
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