You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
