You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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