Apparently you make a good broom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
