I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
