Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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