three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My feet surprised me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
