I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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