I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
