All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
