Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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