So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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