My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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