when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
