I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
