My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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