We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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