Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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