The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
