Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
