tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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