I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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