it hurts more in the daytime
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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