And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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