# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
