i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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