Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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