I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
