ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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