...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
